Shamus’s Travels – star date 02.07.2009
13. Jul, 2009 
5 Comments
After being under house arrest for two years under the custody of Tequilla Tony, I was finally released. The Governor, Sean Voigt, picked me up from the place I called home for the past 730 days….
The excitement was immense, memories of Jenna Jameson’s vaginoplasty came to mind; will this trip be as spoken about in bars across Cape Town?
I met my fellow travelling companions (Gov, Junior, Gazza, Vella) at Cape Town international on the 2nd of July. It was 7am and my semi had yet to subside from my sleep. We had a quick breakie and discussed drinking tactics; it was then that I found out our final destination – Lake Kariba, Zimbabwe….
My semi disappeared….what does Mugabe think of Irish midgets?
The guys reassured me that nothing would happen; if it did we had many services the Shebeen SSC could offer the Zim government:
- JC could teach Bob how to get the Queen hot under the collar
- ‘The person who should remain unnamed’ could teach Morgan to teabag Bob
- Tequilla Tony could help the war vets with land invasions – the legal way
The list went on…I felt better
We boarded an orange aeroplane (yip, orange….orange to find it easier when it crashes maybe?) and headed to JHB. At JHB we boarded a BA flight to Harare.
We landed on a deserted runway at a deserted airport. One other aeroplane – a biplane – was spotted, but nothing else. I started hearing ‘Britney Spears – Hit me one more time’ in my head…I look at the other passengers – Sean was eating, Gary drinking, Chris taking as many photos as a honey bird flaps his wings (mental note to myself: get that camera and take a pic of my weee balls) whilst Junior perved over the flight attendant – I must be over reacting. I tried to get Britney to stop singing but found my head nodding to the chorus
‘hit me baby one more time’
Sh*t I haven’t seen a woman in a long time.
We caught a bus to the airport which was 10m away; it took 30 seconds. Luckily we didn’t run out of petrol otherwise we were f*cked. We managed to walked through the airport by following the light of the sun on the other side. Migel met us with a broad smile. I was as surprised to see him as he was me – it looked as if he’d eaten my pa and ma. I better behave this trip otherwise Bob would be the last of my worries.
Murray’s home was cosy and his mom hot. Most of the time was spent at the Turners bar. Murray’s dad, Paul, was a great host by ensuring we had a good nights sleep – which normally happens after 8 beers. We sat at the bar at 18h00 and left it at 03h00. I couldn’t move my body, i felt like a garden gnome.
We woke up at 06h00 the next morning to make our way to the lake…I’ll continue with this adventure later on
Ha ha, I like the ‘person who shall remain nameless’ teaching Morgan to teabag Bob.
he shall remain anonomous
Where’s the rest of the story?
How about some new posts please? What’s happening? What are we doing for rugby this weekend?
Where is the little fella … my house seems so … empty !